Characters and props
Angel 1, Angel 2 – for ease, both can have clipboards with their lines, decorated on the back to make them look like mobile phones. If possible, make all the lines fit on a single page.
TXT – God’s text messages. These should be printed out out and held up at the right time, or projected, so that the congregation can read them.
Angel 2 praying. Angel 1 enters taking selfies and texting on phone (decorated clipboard), Angel 2 looks shocked.
A2 You’re on your phone? In heaven?
A1 So? There’s great reception here.
A2 Yeah, I know (Bringing out own phone / clipboard) What’cha looking at anyway?
A1 It’s a message from the boss. He says he’s going down.
A2 (Naff rap style) What, going down wiv da bros, do ya know what I mean?
‘Cos he’s diggin’ the scene. He’s the Lion of Judah, he’s never very rude-ah.
(slowing down) A hip chillin’ master who’s … got a sticking plaster …
(Running out of words) … umm … yo?
A1 (Giving A2 a weird look) No. He’s says he’s going down … there.
(Points down to earth) Read it for yourself. (shows phone)
TXT lol 2 ppl
A2 (Reading phone) Ooh, ooh. LOL, I know that one. Laughing Out Loud, isn’t it?
Or it might mean Lots Of love. Or it could be Little Old Lady. Is it Little Old Lady?
A1 No. It’s not Little Old Lady. You forgot Lord of Lords.
A2 Oh yes. Lord of Lords. Umnn I don’t get the rest. (Ask congregation for help)
Lord of Lords to people, see you later.
Er, see you later? Does that mean that God’s going away?
A1 No, don’t worry. He’s got that omnipresence thing.
He’s still up here, even when he’s down there.
A2 Oh, OK. I see. I think.
(mumbling to self) Never did get that whole omni-watsit thing.
A1 Another text has come in.
TXT PPP 2 ppl
A2 What? (Ask congregation for help)
Oh, peace to people. I get it. Clever.
A1 I think we’re supposed to pass it on.
(off stage) Hey, Gabriel, could you take a message for us please?
Tell this to some people … yeah, any will do. Whoever you meet first.
I’m sure they’ll spread the news. Thanks.
Oh, another text! God’s thumbs are busy tonight.
TXT lol < 3 ppl
want 2 b bff
doing f2f 4 ne1
A2 I really don’t get this. Can you text him back and ask him to be a bit clearer?
(To congregation) Can you help me?
Lord of Lords loves people – yep, that’s true enough.
Want to be best friends for ever.
Wow, that’s amazing – they get to be friends with the boss!
Is that like on facebook?
A1 I think it’s even better than facebook friends.
I’ve heard he’s wanting to adopt daughters and sons.
A2 But I don’t get the rest of the message.
How would God do a face to face for anyone?
It’s one thing saying ‘what you see is what you get’,
but how are people going to see God?
A1 Ah, got a reply. The boss says he is being clearer.
In fact, he’s doing it right now, so that everyone can understand.
He says we should look down and see what’s happening.
A2 What, now?
A1 Yes, right now.
A2 (On phone) OK, hang on a minute while I get Google maps up.
… hang on, it’s just loading … (Making forward circling motion with finger)
… still loading …
A1 (Arms folded) Is it slow because you’re streaming back-to-back episodes of
Dr Who [insert popular TV program here] again?
A2 (Looking sheepish) Yeah, sorry. Oh, it’s up now. Where should I look?
A1 He says it’s in the Roman Empire. Odd little corner called Judea.
A2 Ummn, er, yep got it.
Yeesh – doesn’t look like they’ve exactly got broadband there!
Why ever would God want to bother with that tiny place?
A1 Ah well, you know the boss – every hair on their heads is numbered and all that.
Zoom in, can you? There’s a town called Bethlehem. Apparently, there’s a stable.
A2 A stable? There’s dozens! Which one does he mean?
A1 Well I don’t know, do I? The boss just said to look. Try going into street view.
A2 Oh yeah. Umnn, how about … oh, I think I’ve found the one.
There’s a bunch of shepherds heading that way.
And I can see Gabe hanging around.
A1 Zoom in. Closer. Closer. (Leaning in to look at screen)
A2 Oh, it’s good innit? It just like being there – you can see right inside!
A1 What’s that in the donkey’s feed-box? (Squinting) Surely that can’t be …
A2 I think it is. It really is … (Looking closer)
TXT 4 u irl
with lol from lol
A1 For you, in real life
A2 with lots of love from Lord of Lords
All (Bowing at manger, said with reverence) Oh, My God!
© Fay Rowland 2016. Distributable for religious purposes, but please retain this copyright notice.